29 July 2010

I want a bid on my eBay auction!

Rather than writing about something I want, I think I’d rather write about the thing I desperately want rid of. This is the third time I’ve listed my wedding dress on eBay and each time I’ve waited with baited breath for it to sell...to no avail.

A wedding is supposed to be one of the best days of your life, but mine felt like a disappointment. I mean I was thrilled and happy to be married to Mr Goldfish, but I felt let down by several of our friends and family. It’s not worth rehashing, as it will never sound more than superficial, but since then my wedding dress has become a focus for the frustration and disappointment I felt.

The morning hadn’t started well. We had very early hair appointments, the salon had forgotten to call me back when they opened the dates in their calendar, and these were all that were left.When I got to the salon, I warned the hairdresser that my hair had completely fallen in the hour after our test appointment. I tried to explain again that you can’t dry it straight and then curl it, you have to dry the curl or wave in. So she decided to put it in curlers. I came out looking like Marilyn Monroe. The hair dresser was obviously at a loss and was just hacking the brush randomly at the back trying to get rid of the volume. I held it together till my bridesmaid leaned over and said I didn’t need to look so panicked; I immediately burst into tears. I climbed out of the chair, paid my bill and left. Once home I went straight to my room and cried.

Now this may not seem related to the dress, but my dress was already a compromise. Between my kidney stones and the fibromyalgia I couldn’t wear dresses with boning or fancy bras. The pressure on my skin made me nauseous and prone to vomiting, not brilliant when walking down the aisle. I was turned away from several bridal stores as soon as I mentioned the problem with boning. Eventually I found a dress in Debenhams. It was comfortable, had straps over the shoulders, no train and even better it was on sale! If I couldn’t get the dress I wanted, at least I could get it at a bargain.

I desperately tried to cling to this positive idea that I had bagged a bargain, a smart and savvy bride, but after the horror at the hair salon I just couldn’t. My hair was a mess and my dress felt frumpy, it very much felt like the Fibromyalgia had robbed me. My maid of honour...she thought I was over-reacting. There was nothing I could do about it, so I put my best face on and made the best of the day.

So left down by friends and family, feeling ugly and dismissed; even years later it brings tears to my eyes. I want to be proactive. I want to turn what was painful into something new and positive, so I’m selling my dress on eBay.

I discovered after I bought it, that the dress had been used in the Doctor Who Christmas Special. As I bought it on sale, I’m hoping that I can get my money back, put it towards something really worthwhile. Maybe I’ll add it to my baby savings account, where I’ve been squirreling away all the money I earn taking internet surveys. Use the money to buy a pushchair or to decorate a nursery. Use it to buy some luxuries I’d never justify otherwise. And if we’re never blessed with a family, maybe I’ll think of something to spend it on that will give me a small boost of reassurance and confidence that my wedding took away.

So know anyone who wants a wedding dress?

Edit July 31st : Didn't sell this time, but I've also listed it on PreLoved so there's still hope.