This has been a hard month. It started with renouncing my citizenship, which was an extremely difficult decision. Then someone tried to break into our car and slashed all the tyres. Then a week after getting the car back from the garage the neighbour jams his trailer between the wall and our car causing £850 worth of damage. There’s been a fair bit of stress from the medical tests I’ve been sent for, as we’ve been giving conflicting treatment plans, and I bought a lovely second-hand dresser from eBay that turned out to need more work than advertised.
But by far the biggest worry is that the six months is nearly up. Finally the moment I’ve been impatiently waiting for is nearly here, and I’m suddenly quite scared. I desperately want to start trying for a baby, but so much went wrong last time. They’ve not sorted the hyperthyroidism and don’t seem to think it’s important. We only have four cycles of Clomid and our pregnancy chances have been cut in half. And finally I almost died last time. Though I know the same thing won’t happen again, it’s opened up all the possibilities you assume will never happen to you.
I’m sure I’ll be fine as soon as I take that first Clomid tablet, but until I commit to that decision I’ll be over here melting under all the stress.