12 September 2011

The Internet is Dangerous

So we’re entering the torturous final week of this cycle.  I’d been doing so well up till now, figuring it would work or it wouldn’t, there was no reason to obsess about it.  But Saturday & Sunday I had spotting, which immediately set me off.  I’ve often had spotting about four days before my period in the past, so it could be a sign that things haven’t worked.  However it was also 9 days after ovulation and a bit different than normal, so it could be implantation. 

I managed to ignore it for a while, but Sunday I also had a sore throat.  Mr.G made the fatal mistake of searching the internet to see if sore throats may be a sign of pregnancy.  There was an awful lot of anecdotal evidence, but that means pretty much nothing.  You can search the internet for virtually any symptom and be told you’re pregnant.  He also noticed people complaining about running noses too, which I’d been irritated by that evening.  (It felt like an allergic reaction to me, so I’d been trying to think of what I may have been exposed to that day.)  I finally told him about the spotting and checked the calendar to see how many days it had been since ovulation.  Of course after that I felt like I had stomach cramps, so by the end of the evening I was convinced it had worked.

I was so angry with myself; I know better than to get my hopes up.  Even with the Clomid, the odds for any one cycle had dropped significantly because I only have one fallopian tube now.  The chances it would work the very first time are slim, but I still woke up this morning convinced.  (Also doesn’t help that I feel completely drained too.)

As the morning has gone on I’ve been slowly coming to my senses.  Realistically I probably have a badly timed cold.  My sore throat is feeling better today, but the irritation has left me with a slight cough.  Though I can breathe clearly I suspect the problem is sloshing around in my sinuses, and the fatigue is just because I’m ill.  Those conveniently timed cramps, they were probably psychosomatic.

Now I just need to wait another four or five days to be sure. Until then I wonder how many more times I’ll go through this roller coaster process.