24 October 2011

Waiting for Another Goldfish

pregnancy test

The thing I hate most in life is waiting, and it would seem that the universe is trying to teach me a serious lesson in patience.  Mr Goldfish and I have been planning to start a family virtually since we met six years ago.  At 27 years old I knew I had time, but I also knew we had to get engaged - and then married – and then I was in the process of getting kidney stones treated. (Can you imagine trying to pass kidney stones while pregnant?!)  So after two years of wistfully wandering through baby stores, I was given the all clear and we threw out the condoms!  We were so excited – for the first six months.  The months after that were harder; each one a roller coaster of hope that would lift us up and then bring us crashing back down.

After a year of trying we had reached our lowest point.  I was utterly distraught knowing that our odds had dropped significantly and desperate to find out if something was wrong.  So for the next six months we were jumping through hoops and having test after test at Liverpool Women’s Hospital.  At first Mr Goldfish’s results were a mess, which seemed to be putting us on a fast track for IVF.  Luckily loose boxer shorts and a few vitamins a day made a dramatic change, but we still didn’t get pregnant.  In January 2011 we were finally prescribed four months of Clomid, a fertility drug that increases ovulation.  If that didn’t work we would be referred for IVF in April.

I took just one cycle of Clomid before falling pregnant; we couldn’t believe it! I took four pregnancy tests just to be sure.  It wasn’t all good news though; my thyroid had suddenly turned toxic. The day I told my doctor we were pregnant my heart rate was 142bpm, nearly double the normal rate, so I was quickly prescribed a handful of tablets a day. It wasn’t good timing but the baby would be alright and that was all that mattered.

I gleefully counted the days and weeks, desperate to reach that twelve week milestone when I could finally tell our friends and family.  Unfortunately they found out sooner than we expected, at eight and a half weeks I was rushed to hospital with a ruptured ectopic pregnancy.  I lost the pregnancy, four litres of blood and my right tube.  The surgery was similar to a caesarean, but without the joy of a child at the end. Now with my fertility halved we were told to wait six months while everything healed, before we could try to conceive again.  That six month wait finished this September. Since then we've tried two more cycles of Clomid without success. So that’s me, Another Goldfish, a 33 year old woman in the north-west desperately trying to start a family.


This was originally published on the Emma's Diary Blog