Finally the end of 2011 is in sight, but I’m filled with both relief and dread. I wish I could say, next year can only get better, but I said that at the end of 2010 and the universe apparently took it as a challenge.
We’d been trying to conceive for a heart-breaking 18 months,
but we were looking to start treatment in the new year. After six years my husband’s job assessment
came back, much lower than expected so we faced a long process of appeals. I was sent to a medical assessment where the
doctor lied about my illness and as a result lost my Incapacity Benefit. In
general we felt beaten down and out of luck.
We’ve now been trying to conceive for 2 ½ years. The treatment did actually work and we did
get pregnant – but it was ectopic and ruptured. I lost 4 litres of blood and
came close to dying. I was also diagnosed
with hyperthyroidism, and have been through a multitude of tests. As a result of either the blood loss, losing
the pregnancy or the hyperthyroidism an awful lot of my hair fell out - it’s
growing back but will probably take more than a year to get back to normal. Then
they thought my thyroid problem may actually be cancer (It wasn’t. Phew!). At
the same time my lovely cat had a stroke. Strokes aren’t as severe in cats
(though quite distressing to witness!) and it turns out he also has
hyperthyroidism. Mr Goldfish is still going through his job’s appeals process but
it doesn’t look promising. We did win the appeal about my Incapacity Benefit,
which is a huge relief. I know I’ll lose it again in the near future when they
switch me over to the new system, but this reprieve gives us room to breathe.
So while we’ve had a few turns of good luck I can’t help
thinking loosing the pregnancy, nearly dying, the cancer scare, and thinking
our cat was going to die - make this year the winner in our personal Worst Year
Competition. The thought of next year continuing the downward trend is a rather terrifying
prospect, so I’m feeling a bit superstitious.