23 February 2012

Great Busyness

The last few weeks have seen me go from one or two days out of the house a week to a full and bustling calendar, which been an unexpected drain on my physical strength and energy. In some ways this is a terrifying prospect: a real concern that I may be cashing cheques my body may not be able to pay.

In meeting the last few weeks a quote from Quaker Advice and Queries keeps coming to mind:
Every stage of our lives offers fresh opportunities. Responding to divine guidance, try to discern the right time to undertake or relinquish responsibilities without undue pride or guilt. Attend to what love requires of you, which may not be great busyness. ~ Advice & Queries 28 
The last few years I’ve held myself back, avoiding commitments so I’d have the energy to commit to our happily anticipated child. As that anticipation turned into resignation I began to feel guilty for shirking my share of responsibility.

So when it became clear that one of our Quaker meeting clerks was unable to continue, it felt right to step-up and replace her even though it was an important role. Unfortunately in Quakers there is always another job that needs doing, and I’ve felt guilty as I’ve turned these positions down...but unlike the clerk position I didn’t feel called to fill them.

When I joined the WI I wondered why I quickly volunteered myself for the committee; for someone who’s been avoiding responsibilities and commitments it seemed like utter madness. Though I was able to rationalise it, I’ve also realised it was something I felt drawn to. Even now with my calendar so busy, I think I can glimpse a greater plan that is moving me forward.

Though my new commitments are challenging, I feel reassured that I’m right where I should be. It may have taken years to find my path, but I think I’m now moving in the right direction.