17 July 2012

Back on the Path

Finally we’ve started the injections. The first one was done at the hospital under the supervision of the nurse, so Saturday’s was really the start for us. We’re still trying to find a routine, but none the less I can finally see a path before me.

For the last few months we’ve been fighting to start IVF, but I’ve never really been able to see a path through. It’s been like standing at the base of a mountain pass that looks impenetrable. I’ve been told there is a way through, and I even know people who’ve gone through it themselves – but from where I stood it looked impossible. I started to wonder if these people were braver, stronger or more determined than me, if they had some special quality that got them through the experience.

But starting the injections was like taking the first steps into the pass, and once there you can suddenly see where you’re going next. I’m not convinced IVF is any easier than I expected, and I certainly can’t see my way completely through the process – but I can finally see a way forward.

I’ve also discovered something unexpected along the way. Hope. For months I’ve not been sure why I’m even going through IVF, because I’d lost the hope that was driving me onwards. But the last few days I’ve noticed I’m looking through Pinterest for nursery ideas and been checking out the car seat that Caroline recommended. It seems now we’re actually making progress I can finally consider a positive outcome again.

I'm not sure how long this will last (based on the injection I had last night maybe mere days) but none the less it makes a wonderful respite from the worry and stress of the last few months.